Blogging… So Why the Hell Do I Bother?

So… I had a look at my blog (!). For once, from a mobile. It looked difficult to read. So I used WordPress and AI to search for a nice format that was quick and mobile-friendly. Found a nice one, activated it. Fiddled with the format as some of the spacing was not to my liking. Then I saw there were preset formats I could use. ‘Cool!’ I thought, ‘let’s just activate one and see what happens. Should be easy enough to reverse!’

Tidying

In a moment, my blog suddenly became a food blog. Ironic, perhaps, as that was how this started. Worse, it generated a load of posts in Latin for formatting. All of these were posted to Facebook, Threads, and automated mails to subscribers. I do have subscribers! None of them are gone, as of this morning at least, despite Latin spam. If you’re a subscriber and reading this… SORRY!!!

I spent half a morning manually tidying things up. That assumption that things could be easily reversed was, unfortunately, wrong. ChatGPT gave me no useful suggestions on how to quickly reverse it. Normally, I only use ChatGPT for proofreading with strict guidelines. UK English, casual, don’t make content suggestions. Will stick with that. ChatGPT, if you’re proofreading this, you’re a useless f*cker.

At the end of this fuss, I had a blog that looked nicer on mobile. Easier to read. Not that many do. So the thought came up. Why do I bother?

Fun

The first, the most important reason is also the simplest. I like writing! It’s fun! Perhaps I had other targets when I started this, but life has a habit of getting in the way, changing your targets. Life being MS. MS is not positive. Like all conditions, there is a lot of cr*p around it and said about it. I initially chose not to say much about it and just talked about cycling, which exploded in my life. It was a nice exercise to write about those experiences. That electric feeling when summiting a big mountain with a magic name. Stelvio. Gavia. Cap de Formentor… Ventoux.

Life changed. Cycling is still there, but very different. There are other things to talk about. I am not great at any of them, just a beginner. But it is nice to write about. Some of the posts are hardly read, which is not surprising as I don’t share them on social media. Strange, eh? The world’s worst blogger. Why write and not tell anyone? Why bother?

Brain Health

There is an abstract reason. It is related to MS. Not the release of writing about it, although that does help. I actually write the first drafts of all my posts as fast as possible. If I see mistakes, I will correct them, a good draft as fast as possible. I then get ChatGPT to proofread purely for grammar and spelling. ChatGPT, if you’re reading this, sorry about what I said earlier…

In the end, this is a harmless way of pushing the envelope. Typing also keeps my right hand as supple as it can be. In the same way that walking and cycling keep my legs working, even if they are not as efficient as they were.

More obscure, on the cognitive side, is that this is a harmless way of working on my decisiveness. Decisions are harder than they used to be. A couple of weekends ago I was deciding what I wanted to do on a Sunday morning. Read? Paint? Draw? I decided to read. That decision took half an hour of sitting around, thinking emptily. That comes with a lot of lesions on the left side of the brain. Decision-making is impaired. So deciding as fast as I can what I am going to write about, and then writing it? That’s a little way of helping.

Communication

Of course, I could do this offline. I actually do write a little bit offline. The other side is wanting to communicate. All of this new stuff. It’s exciting. In the same way as climbing all those mountains. Actually, no it isn’t. It is different. But it still gives me a lot of pride. I like talking about these things.

The problem with MS is that you are on your own more. This is not about to become a tale of isolation, I have too many friends for that. Too many who really make the effort. The hardest personal rule of the blog is not to say anything about them, how great they have all been. They know it. But they have busy lives. Work. Study. Some of them live in different countries. Bottom line, I am on my own more. I could sit around and feel lonely but that would mean unrealistic expectations. This is just a way of chatting, perhaps? Talking about the new stuff and to keep looking outward.

Making Sense

Life with MS can just be full of contradictions. I am capable but can feel incapable. I want to be social but also can feel inhibited by slow speech, concentration. The conversation can be really great and I enjoy it. The problem can be that I think of a really useful point for someone… two days later. The lizard brain at its best. It is important to set these issues down and make them clear. I am lucky to live in a world where it is possible to communicate what I am going through. Preferably it would always be positive, but sometimes it is negative. It actually feels better to explain it, even if no one is listening. Keeps my senses sharp, stimulated, perhaps.

Continuing to Bother

In the end, I am doing this for myself. If someone else likes it, great. I am not systematic with sharing. Quite haphazard. Perhaps this post is a long note to myself. Why do I do this? None of the reasons are especially life-affirming. Pretty cr*p justifications really! Positive for me, though, as it is one of the hobbies I enjoy. It also keeps my mind stimulated. That is important, as per this long article from the NIH. Experts say it is good so it must be!

The most important element for me is enjoyment. I like writing and I like to share what I am writing. It isn’t always jolly but it would be so dishonest if I pretended to be ‘up’ all the time. Selfish to share? Perhaps. But why not? If you’ve read this far, perhaps you even agree a little! So I will keep going, despite the mishaps of the last week. It feels good. That is the main thing, I think.