Being Human

So the idea was to get away from MS a bit. In the blog at least. The problem is that it is difficult to make such a clean cut with something that is there every day. I don’t want it there and, although I have not done a bad job of managing it, I do notice the impact as it progresses. It is unrealistic not to. And I find myself wanting to communicate about that. Good or bad. Human of me I suppose.

So Where Am I?

My relationship with MS has entered a different phase. Posts recently have been about Ocrevus and black hole lesions. Perhaps I believed 2024 would mark a turning point with Ocrevus stabilising my lesions. Stable lesions do not mean stable symptoms though. Symptoms that are physical and cognitive. I won’t list these again, they are in this blog enough! This needs to focus on the relationship going forward.

The Relationship

The challenge is managing this relationship. Multiple Sclerosis is not a killer disease in itself but the side-effects of it can reduce life span. That is the physical impact but also the psychological. It makes you stressed and depressed. Stressed through managing the impact and depressed because… well… the impact can be hard to deal with. There comes cognitive impact as well. Concentration, reaction to stimuli. The list goes on and on. As the MS progresses, it will only grow.

Partner for Life

That is where the challenge comes in. Whether I like it or not, MS is my partner for life. Any attempt to get away from will always be difficult either through physical challenges or mental. I need to do it, especially the latter. A fear of what might happen when I go out, for example. Relaxing actually does help me maintain an even stride when walking but if I worry? Then I really notice the ankle weakening and my limping gets worse. Stress is not the cause but it does not help.

Staying Human

So I cannot ignore MS. That was a simple and, perhaps, selfish target. Selfish because I am not the only one impacted so how dare I act as though it is not there? But it is important that that relationship is managed. I am happy when I see friends when we don’t talk about MS. It is not out of their fear of offending me or my fear of depressing or boring them. It is simply that there are other things to talk about. Music, books, wine, film, food, history (!), cycling (!!), current affairs. Their lives.

So it will be with this blog. It is human to wander around subjects and around life. MS is one of those. I have to acknowledge it. Of course, this is one life relationship I would like to end. Amicably or through messy divorce proceedings, it does not matter. It is too big to ignore though. This blog never had any real mission after I was diagnosed. I just like words and writing about what is going on.

If someone else likes them? Then that is absolutely great!