Snow and Memories

2026 has started with a blanket of snow in the Netherlands. Quite unlike any I have seen, I think. Not in terms of depth but more persistence. This layer of snow will be staying for a short while. Nothing in terms of what some countries deal with but a bit more than Holland is used to. It is, of course, very pretty.

It is also a bit of a slap in the face. A reminder, after the optimism, that my capabilities are reducing. The first mental test of 2026.

How It Was

Of course I have experienced snow before. Indeed, it did not have much impact on what I did. I actually, insanely, still cycled. Not just on my thick-tired gravel bike but also the thinner-tired racing bike. The latter, after the thaw had started, still required me to be fit and alert, watching out for ice. I had a couple of near slips but only one hard crash and, even then, I could stand up and cycle slowly to the local bike shop to get my handlebars put back in shape.

More importantly, I could walk a good distance. So when it was too icy to cycle to the local shops (even I could find it too icy in my slightly more insane cycling days) I could walk. I would perhaps be tired at the end but MS had not blunted my capabilities much at that the time.

How It Is Now

Now, though. No chance of cycling. Probably quite sensible. But my walking? That is the bigger concern. Not just in terms of distance but also stability. I don’t have good reactions, the signals from brain to limb are dampened. Not much good if you slip.

This is not a disaster in itself, of course. The house is warm and the comfort of life with a house is that the cold is nothing to fear. Indeed, it is beautiful to look outside and see the world covered by a white, glowing sheet of silk. It can feel terribly negative to look out on such a world and let it remind what you can no longer do.

What used to be done without a second thought is now… alarming. What is especially alarming is how the progression of MS is making my world feel a little smaller, something that concerns me. The snow has been a reminder of these worries.

The Pull of Snow

Here is where acceptance has to play a part. And trying. Not to mention planning. The crunch of fresh snow underfoot is just too difficult to resist. So shorter walks than normal are the order to the day with a half-circle taking in a small wood. The stick is there but also used to feel the path a little. I cannot react quickly if I slip so… try not to slip.

Then the comfort of reading, a little study of painting and colour and a novel which I am a little slow on. There is indoor cycling to keep my condition good with the only drawback being walking from the house to the shed. In shorts. Even when it is cold outside, without a fan it gets surprisingly warm.

It is still a reminder that I can do so much less these days. Spontaneity is a bit gone. It will sound dully inspirational if I say that every moment when there is such a cloud on the horizon leads to the discovery of a new silver lining, a new sense of wonder. It would also be a lie because I don’t always meet these moments positively. Of course I would rather just go for a stroll as opposed to slow tapping my way along the path, making sure the ground is stable. Still, the snow pulled at me and I had to go. Better slow with a stick than not at all.

The Lights

Then small things can brighten the mood. Literally, in the form of lights, left over from Christmas and on the side of the garage. Normally these come down very efficiently in the New Year but this time, the weather meant they stayed out. This coincided with a radio DJ I listen to talking about listeners leaving some lights out after Christmas to brighten the long nights. It sounded nice.

Strangely comforting, those lights. Not going to pretend that all the issues are forgotten, the reminders of what was once and will not be again. It just makes it a little easier to enjoy the moment. Take it for what it is.