Col du Galibier: Acceptance and Enjoyment

Normally I am quite gung-ho in the build-up to the ‘mountain of the year’, an annual event apart from a three year gap because of Covid. I talk about it a lot as well which can get quite boring for everyone I know, I admit. This year, though, it is different. The target is Col du Galibier. One of the monsters of the French Alps.

What is different? Instead of the usual self-belief I really don’t think I will complete the climb this year. And, honestly, I am fine with that.

The Build-Up: Hernia, Ocrevus and More… Apart from Cycling..

Preparation has always been key for these climbs. Mont Ventoux, Gavia, Stelvio, Tourmalet… To get ready for these I normally follow a programme of long rides at low tempo to build endurance and shorter, high tempo rides to build power. This year, though, I thought I would try different prep! How about a hernia operation? Or an MRI that caught the spread of rather sinister sounding black hole lesions?

Add to the above the progression of MS symptoms following on from lesion spread, various clinical appointments in response and the start of Ocrevus infusions and the first six months of 2024 were, indeed, pretty busy! And, for me, relatively little of it involved the bike. No training programs this year…

Reaction

How did I react to all of this? In all honesty, I would love to say that I have been resilient and shown character. Sometimes I did. But I have also been fed up, angry and, when my walking really became bad… just scared. A walk to town, something quite easy only last year, has become quite a challenge.

Frankly, my biggest fear has always been that MS will make my world smaller. I was always a little impeded by various symptoms but now some symptoms were getting the upper hand. Everything needed more effort, feels further away. I didn’t like this one bit. And although the hernia is nothing to do with MS, I cannot help but feel that passive recovery did not help resistance to MS symptoms.

After this many years MS was always going to kick in at some point. You feel like you are fighting it until it bites hard. Suddenly the long war of attrition is actually being lost. That is where the anger and fear come in. Moods become a bit unstable. Self-pity and selfish anger become a little too common. I was not the most fun to be around.

Turning the Corner

Time to put the first half of 2024 behind me and reap the benefits of all of these medical appointments. I have new walking aids, a collection of rubber bands hooked on to a belt to help raise my right foot to alleviate foot drop. A small intervention but it makes a difference! Keeps the world from getting too small! There is also Ocrevus. It is only a gut feeling but I think it will benefit. Perhaps it will impede lesion growth and, thus, slow progression down. A base to build on. This all needs to confirmed but, for now, I will just enjoy the optimism.

On to Galibier

So where does Galibier fit in to all of this? I have hardly mentioned it, other than to say I probably won’t manage to climb it which, in the light of the above, is not a surprise.

The lack of good preparation and all of other issues mean I am not as comfortable on the bike as I normally am. When peddling it feels like my legs are only loosely connected to the rest of my body. My right leg can also go quite numb, the opposite of the aching that I have always felt in the past with these big rides and which I, sadistically, rather liked. Crossing over a local bridges has been an effort. I dread to think what a mountain will do to me.

But… why think about that? Why not try to enjoy the moment?

This is where Galibier comes in. If I make the climb, it will be a huge surprise personally and of course I will love it! Even if I do not, though, I can still go there and try, meet with friends, ride a bike and enjoy the glory of the Alps around me. Have fun! Revel in what I have, not fear what I have lost. Easy to say and I will have darker days but I don’t want to linger on that now. Accept what has happened and enjoy what I can still enjoy.

Forward

The achievement of reaching the summit may not work out this time. The price of so much happening recently. Perhaps, though, all of those events will give me a basis to keep going, just a bit more. Maybe next year I will be stronger and whatever summit is chosen in 2025 will be more feasible. For now, I will just enjoy being in the shadow of the mighty Galibier. Enjoy my moment, whatever it looks like.